Medical Skepticism: Children's Classics Edition
By Bryan Caplan
One after another the doctors came, a Crow, and Owl,
and a Talking Cricket.
“I should like to know, signori,” said the Fairy, turning
to the three doctors gathered about Pinocchio’s bed,
“I should like to know if this poor Marionette is dead or alive.”
At this invitation, the Crow stepped out and felt
Pinocchio’s pulse, his nose, his little toe.
Then he solemnly pronounced the following words:
“To my mind this Marionette is dead and gone; but if,
by any evil chance, he were not, then that would be a
sure sign that he is still alive!”
“I am sorry,” said the Owl, “to have to contradict
the Crow, my famous friend and colleague. To my mind
this Marionette is alive; but if, by any evil chance, he
were not, then that would be a sure sign that he is wholly dead!”
“And do you hold any opinion?” the Fairy asked the Talking Cricket.
“I say that a wise doctor, when he does not know what he
is talking about, should know enough to keep his mouth shut.
However, that Marionette is not a stranger to me.
I have known him a long time!”
Pinocchio, who until then had been very quiet,
shuddered so hard that the bed shook.
“That Marionette,” continued the Talking Cricket,
“is a rascal of the worst kind.”
Pinocchio opened his eyes and closed them again.
“He is rude, lazy, a runaway.”
Pinocchio hid his face under the sheets.
“That Marionette is a disobedient son who is breaking
his father’s heart!”
Long shuddering sobs were heard, cries, and deep sighs.
Think how surprised everyone was when, on raising the sheets,
they discovered Pinocchio half melted in tears!
“When the dead weep, they are beginning to recover,”
said the Crow solemnly.
“I am sorry to contradict my famous friend and colleague,”
said the Owl, “but as far as I’m concerned, I think that
when the dead weep, it means they do not want to die.”