Many people have been critical of Facebook in the last few years and many of the criticisms have been justified. It often does bring out the meanness in people when they comment on political events or on other people.
But Facebook has a huge upside also. I experienced it from late Saturday to now. The upside is that it allows people to express their sympathies to a person when something bad happens to him or his loved ones.
I had flown to Toronto on Friday and had made plans with my sister, April, to see her that weekend. That was the main purpose of the trip. But when I started texting her on November 26 to start tying down the plans (would I take her for dinner or lunch or both?–that kind of thing), I received no answer. I got very worried when I texted my cousin Stanley Friday night after I landed to see if she had called him to wish him happy birthday. (She does so like clockwork and she and I had talked about that fact a few weeks earlier when my birthday was coming up the previous week.) Stanley texted back that she hadn’t.
So Saturday morning I went to her apartment and knocked on the door, receiving no answer. I managed to get a constable from Toronto Community Housing, the government agency that manages the building in which she receives subsidized housing, to come to the building. When he showed up, he told me that she had died earlier in the week.
I mourned and visited a funeral home to arrange cremation. I also went to a friend’s office party that afternoon and evening where singing karaoke and visiting people lightened my mood.
Saturday night, when I got back to the place of my friend where I was staying, I announced her death on Facebook.
The outpouring of condolences was incredible. I’ve just never experienced anything like it. We had nothing like this when my mother died (1969), my brother (1970), or my father (1997). I was always able to mourn those deaths with my sister. Now, of course, I can’t. But people on Facebook have been wonderful.
So I second what co-blogger Bryan Caplan said recently about the huge value firms like Facebook give us.
P.S. I also couldn’t complete everything I wanted to do without extending by a day. So when I called United to change my flight, I expected that the person would charge me a change fee that would be refunded if I produced a death certificate. She nicely waived the change fee. So good on United, an airline I don’t often compliment.
READER COMMENTS
Shane L
Dec 4 2018 at 6:33am
Very sorry for your loss, David.
It may be that some people become rather addicted to the mass-positive feedback they elicit with attractive photographs on social media, for example. But for healthier users it can indeed play an important role in sustaining connections with old friends.
David Henderson
Dec 4 2018 at 7:14am
Thanks, Shane.
Steve Horwitz
Dec 4 2018 at 9:27am
Could not agree more David. This was true both when my mom died a few years ago, and over the last 13 months as I’ve dealt with my health issues. The outpouring of love and support and concern that Facebook enables is truly amazing. Other friends who have lost spouses or close family say the same thing about how much it helps with the grieving process.
Steve Horwitz
Dec 4 2018 at 9:28am
And birthdays! Facebook birthday greetings from around the world is almost enough alone to overcome its bad parts.
David Henderson
Dec 4 2018 at 9:51am
Yes on birthdays. From about age 20 on, I didn’t want presents for my birthday. All I wanted was cards or people at work remembering and saying happy birthday. Facebook is perfect for that. That’s why I reply to every single happy birthday wish and why I replied to all of the over 100 condolence comments. If they’re taking the time to do that, I want to take the time to reply.
Laron
Dec 4 2018 at 5:24pm
Agree with your point, and more importantly, just want to offer condolences to you and yours.
David Henderson
Dec 5 2018 at 8:50am
Thanks, Laron, on both.
Hazel Meade
Dec 6 2018 at 1:45pm
My condolences. The loss of someone so close to you is always difficult. My parents have both died, but I have yet to lose any siblings, though I am at an age where that is starting to become a worry.
With respect to Facebook, however, I think this “upside” is also intricately intertwined with it’s worst downsides. The thing is that Facebook has evolved to become a place where ONLY positive reinforcement is socially acceptable, and where people come to expect and take for granted ONLY positive reinforcement for everything they talk about, even if it is justifying some self-destructive behavior or controversial political point. You can never say “I think that’s a mistake” – you must always express emotional support.
The upside is that when something really bad happens, like the death of your sister, you get tons of emotional support from Facebook. But the downside is that if you do something really self-destructive, like cutting off contact with your kid because you don’t like their career choices – you will get tons of emotional support from Facebook.
David Henderson
Dec 8 2018 at 2:22pm
Thanks, Hazel.
Re the downside, that’s there but the way I handle it is by not liking when I see the person announcing some destructive behavior or by gently asking about it, typically in a private message. What I don’t do is say I disapprove because I don’t think it’s my place to do so. And I virtually never give advice unless I know it’s welcome.
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